Biggest blue black i ever had

Love the way you lie

Woke up feeling slightly uneasy. I logged into fb as usual and saw something i shouldn't be seeing. There it goes again... I'm trying so hard to not get bothered by all these but to no avail. Days by days i kept lying to myself i thought i'll be able to see the sunlight one day but as the days dragged by the faith i had is slowly fading away. I hate how i have to lie to myself in order to make me feel better each day. The fags not longer works for me. The last time i felt i was truly happy? When was it? I can't even recall. I've started to stop telling people about my problems, my feelings probably because nothing's gonna change. I'll only be whining over the same shitz over and over. What's the point??? The simple assurance i need wasn't given. All i had was....... idk. Nothing. Hate to be stuck in this. My heart just sank alittle when i realised the smile on your face wasn't for me. Why did i bother so hard when i know i'll get nothing after all these. Why? I don't even know why. The moment i see your face, all the pain i experienced will be gone magically. That's how addictive you are.


Sorry this is yet again another emotional post.

I'm afraid of many things. Most of all, I'm afraid that you'll find someone 10x better than me and forgets all about me.

Rainy Monday

Hi, i'm left with approximately 3 more hours to go before i land my foot, for the first time after 5 months, in np. Kinda nervous as i felt my palm sweating for the 101th time. My tongue is still swelling and my stomach is growling.. Ppt half-way done and notes yet to be written. Honestly speaking i'm still half awake partly due to the weather outside my window. I need to stay concentrated for the next 3 hours please just let me stay focused.

I'm satisfied with whatever i have now. It may not be the best choice around for me but that's what i've chosen and i'm not going to let it slip off anymore. The doubts i have in me are not exactly at the all time low. That makes it illogical for me to start believing what i'm seeing. But whatever, Taurus is a stubborn bitch.

I'm not always down and sad. Don't label me as an emo child. I don't seek attentions from strangers I don't need it. I just don't write out the happy moments in my life because I believe once I had too much of it, it'll be gone in no time. Too much experience over such things I'm losing faith in what used to define happiness. I've tried to be strong and I'm proud I didn't shed tears. But ironically, keeping emotions inside of you isn't doing yourself any good either. I'm starting to get used to the heartaching pain I experienced every morning when I get out of my bed, the sleepless nights I spent my thoughts with. I lost my appetite, I lost my smile, I lost my glow but most important, I lost you. I'm glad you came honest with me but the fucking heartaching doesn't go away.. I can't continue any longer the tears in my eyes are gonna fall any moment I need to calm myself down. The office isn't the best place to let your emotions get the better of you.