Didn't expect myself to return back here writing.. I guess this tiny space here has successfully been hidden since everyone thought i only have tumblr. Life hasn't change much during my absence. It pretty much still sucks. I had three sessions of mind-fucking last night alone on the grounds of powerhouse. It drained all of me. My energy, my thoughts, my emotions, everything. Didn't even get a chance to step into the dancefloor after missing from that place for so long.. And the weather decided to further dampen my mood by drizzling throughout the night.

It wasn't the first time i had to deal with girls coming up to me telling me stories. But what surprised me is that i had to get so affected i teared outside the smoking corner in front of every-fucking-one. Then, everything turned drama mama and the rest is history. I can't reveal much but what Bel said to me towards the end of the night definitely made an impact because she is the only one that supports me to hold on..

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? I'VE MADE A PACT WITH BBY AND I'M GONNA HOUNOR IT FUCK IT ALL. NEVER BELIEVED IN AFTERLIFE BUT ANYWAY HOPE YOU BURN IN HELL.

I guess last night was the worst day of my life so far. I wouldn't sleep at all, tossing and turning all night. I don't know what's occupying my mind. Gave phuture a miss even thou i was looking forward for so long. So i had to search everywhere for sleeping pills so glad i found the one and only one, down it straight away and coma till 11am this morning. Tried sleeping again in the morning but to no avail. Had no choice, open up the fridge and found a can of Guinness plus a few sticks of fags so yeah... I managed to continue sleeping till 3 and dreamt about you twice. But that's not enough, i don't wanna wake up feeling empty. What should i do now?? Continue sleeping or get something to fill my stomach which was left empty since ytd. Time needs to pass faster... I want a speedy recovery. And, i hope i'll get wasted tonight. Too much pain i am suffering. I need to temporary get rid of them.

Idk which is funnier - me putting up a strong front yet losing my sleep over you or you out partying having fun even thou you said you're sad.

Pretty much the last memories of you.

Hello everyone............ I'm back. Went to check out my nuffnang since the cheque is taking forever to arrive and i realised my analytic is dropping like crazy. Only 2 visit for one whole day?! haha but doesn't matter i don't really update this space anymore. Super lazy to even on my laptop nowadays, it's like rotting its way in the study room since 6 months ago???? Omg this is insane... I used to spent like what 5 hours on average on my lappy in the past.

Anyway, i'm really really mega bored now. Can't figure out how to explain it exactly yknow just freaking pissed off with everything. Super hungry since i was awake 3 hours ago and mummy had to return home without my cookies!!!! Feelin' for doublecheese burger but macs is soooooo far..... Delivery for one 2bux burger is retarded? My life sucks nowadays. You will never wanna hear my story. Please just let me die leh...... Will i go to hell??

I just discovered a new pimple on my face!!!!!!!!!! My complexion needs to maintain...... Dark circles like freeflow. Why like that? I'm no longer a party animal already why are my dark circles still following me everywhere i go.... Sian half why am i so fugly????!?!?!?! And my hair i need to do something about it i wanna go trim it but no moneyyyyyy. So freaking lazy nowadays i even skipped my facial appointment oh my god i hope i'll be back on track after the holidays. Need to start working hard for once for my last sem in np :(

Hahahaha ok bye. I'm going back to tumblr :D

Biggest blue black i ever had

Love the way you lie

Woke up feeling slightly uneasy. I logged into fb as usual and saw something i shouldn't be seeing. There it goes again... I'm trying so hard to not get bothered by all these but to no avail. Days by days i kept lying to myself i thought i'll be able to see the sunlight one day but as the days dragged by the faith i had is slowly fading away. I hate how i have to lie to myself in order to make me feel better each day. The fags not longer works for me. The last time i felt i was truly happy? When was it? I can't even recall. I've started to stop telling people about my problems, my feelings probably because nothing's gonna change. I'll only be whining over the same shitz over and over. What's the point??? The simple assurance i need wasn't given. All i had was....... idk. Nothing. Hate to be stuck in this. My heart just sank alittle when i realised the smile on your face wasn't for me. Why did i bother so hard when i know i'll get nothing after all these. Why? I don't even know why. The moment i see your face, all the pain i experienced will be gone magically. That's how addictive you are.


Sorry this is yet again another emotional post.

I'm afraid of many things. Most of all, I'm afraid that you'll find someone 10x better than me and forgets all about me.

Rainy Monday

Hi, i'm left with approximately 3 more hours to go before i land my foot, for the first time after 5 months, in np. Kinda nervous as i felt my palm sweating for the 101th time. My tongue is still swelling and my stomach is growling.. Ppt half-way done and notes yet to be written. Honestly speaking i'm still half awake partly due to the weather outside my window. I need to stay concentrated for the next 3 hours please just let me stay focused.

I'm satisfied with whatever i have now. It may not be the best choice around for me but that's what i've chosen and i'm not going to let it slip off anymore. The doubts i have in me are not exactly at the all time low. That makes it illogical for me to start believing what i'm seeing. But whatever, Taurus is a stubborn bitch.

I'm not always down and sad. Don't label me as an emo child. I don't seek attentions from strangers I don't need it. I just don't write out the happy moments in my life because I believe once I had too much of it, it'll be gone in no time. Too much experience over such things I'm losing faith in what used to define happiness. I've tried to be strong and I'm proud I didn't shed tears. But ironically, keeping emotions inside of you isn't doing yourself any good either. I'm starting to get used to the heartaching pain I experienced every morning when I get out of my bed, the sleepless nights I spent my thoughts with. I lost my appetite, I lost my smile, I lost my glow but most important, I lost you. I'm glad you came honest with me but the fucking heartaching doesn't go away.. I can't continue any longer the tears in my eyes are gonna fall any moment I need to calm myself down. The office isn't the best place to let your emotions get the better of you.

Few weeks ago...